Wednesday, October 10, 2007

nightmares and being able to adapt

I had a nightmare over the weekend. I kept choking and choking - I couldn't swallow some lettuce and I went to the ER where they proceeded to stretch my esophagus out with a medieval, torturing device. I told the dream doctor that I thought it might hurt as he began and he said, "Yeah, most patients cry for 2 hours." Then I woke up because even my sleeping brain knew that was a bunch of crap.

It can't be that bad, but I am obviously a little nervous about my appointment.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my Grandma, visiting with her on the phone since she had her stroke and is inside more often. (She is typically outside, working with the dogs at her kennel.) Though she is never weepy, she speaks about being sad - how hard it will be for her to give up her business and home soon. There isn't any way around it; I know that. But it seems to surprise her. I find that interesting.

None of want to grow old and lose our independence. No one wants to get sick. But it's coming for us all. We may not like it, but what is the alternative? I think my Grandma has always been in control, always wanted to set the rules - for everyone. And she never backs down.

I admire this quality at times. She is a force to be reckoned with.

Sometimes, though, it is better to go with the tide, let things be. Fight, be strong and sometimes accept there are things we cannot change.

That serenity prayer isn't just for AA, my friends - I find a little peace there too.
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1 comment:

deborah said...

what a lucky Gram. My Grandparents both (Mom's side) were able to live in their home right up to their dying days. Ages 78 and 80. I sure do miss them both.

Scary dreams are truly earth-shaking