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And just like that, I was back. Six months later.

I was sitting outside in the sun just now, trying to give myself the pep talk I need right now. The house is quiet, with the kids away at camp during the day, and I was gearing up to paint my son's room. I wanted to paint today, but the pain in both my feet and hands is back and I'm finding it hard to ignore.

Hence the sitting in the sun, talking myself.

I forgot the comfort that comes from laying it out here, speaking the truth that doesn't come up in polite conversations. I know what comes next as I feel my coping skills waning. It is the panic, and the fears behind the panic - that the pain will take root and grow, making my life difficult to manage - that leave me paralyzed.

So I am waiting to paint another day, trying to decide if rest is called for or if being distracted would help.

But saying it here, helps.

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